Faith in Action
Have you ever asked God to change your Heart? To search out why you feel like your faith is failing? Be sure of one thing, He will answer and that answer may just scare the beegees out of you! Our God knows what is best even when we seem to think we have it all under control. Here is what happened when I asked.
Life was starting to go downhill. My faith was weak. I had stopped doing a lot of things I enjoyed. Every day seemed to be challenged by doubts and fears. What to do next? Am I being the person God wants me to be? Can I continue to just exist? Nothing seemed to make me happy. Friends would ask why I was no longer engaging, I would blame it on my Fibromyalgia. This was an easy copout. I was being my own worst enemy!
My kids had grown up, started their own families. Feeling useless, I drifted from job to job. Not sure of what I should do, I became depressed. It was then that I decided that I needed to start praying for the Lord to change my heart. (Be sure that if you ask Him, He will do it.)
In June of 2010 Bill was diagnosed with stage 4 renal cancer. My life was turned upside down and I began to realize ” it was not about me” anymore. Scared and not sure what to do, I did the only thing I knew, I turned to God. I couldn’t sleep thinking about the future without my best friend and companion. I would sit up in our rocker, read scripture, claim His promises and pray.
Hearing someone you love has cancer is hard. You start looking at all of the websites for this type, what the outcomes are and read. Your daily life is consumed with finding answers which sometimes are not there. Then the Doctor gives you the prognosis.
Six months to a year at best. I watched as he went through chemotherapy, had surgery to remove 36 lymph nodes (12 were cancerous) and when January came, the doctors explained the therapy was no longer working. How could this be happening? I prayed to claim God’s promises knowing that He was in control.
I started making plans as what I needed to have in place if Bill should not live. Who was going to be at the funeral, where it was going to be held, all the things you never want to plan but now felt it needed to be done.
Our last vacation?
Bill and I always have enjoyed going to the Oregon Coast. We like walking down the shoreline, collecting shells and watching the sunsets. Our retirement dream was going to be taking our grandchildren for a week to explore God’s wonders of the ocean. Thinking this was probably going to be our last vacation together we set out for ten days of just relaxing.
On April 13th we were enjoying ourselves at the beach when we received a call from the doctor regarding the most current test, Bill’s cancer was moving to his brain. We needed to return a.s.a.p.to the Huntsman Cancer Center in Salt Lake City, Utah! Knowing this was going to be our last trip, we chose to stay for the final four days of our vacation. There was only a 5% chance of survival and given how far cancer had traveled, that wasn’t a possibility.
Huntsman Cancer Center had set up Bill’s next appointment for May 6th. When we arrived, there was a battery of testing they needed to do. This would show them how far cancer had spread and if there were any treatment options. Seven hours later we returned to our hotel. After a long sleepless night, we made the trip back to the center to hear the results. I am sure there wasn’t any color in my face. I felt void of feelings. Too scared to really want to hear what the Doctor was going to be telling us. I kept repeating to my self that I needed to be strong, not cry and hang on to God for his peace. Easier said than done.
It’s a scary feeling to find out that you are going to be meeting with the Chief of Staff for your update. Thinking the worst we waited. The Doctor greeted us and his first words were, “If I had not read the reports, I would not have known you had cancer. All test show you are totally cancer free.” We made him repeat it!! Three Times!! Walking back to the car, we both had treas running down our faces. Bill spent 6 more weeks doing radiation treatments to be sure all of the cells were gone.
That was 8 years ago. Bill is alive today and living a full life. Praise God for His faithfulness! During this time we lost three friends to cancer and my oldest sister. Why did God spare Bill? Only He knows. Our friends were very strong Christians like us. They were our family. We all cried together, laughed together and know that one day we would be back together in heaven.
Two summers ago we had the privilege of taking our grandkids to Seaside Oregon for a whole week! It was a dream come true for all of us. We had a wonderful time. Walked a lot! Ate way too much. Got to see the Oregon State Aquatic Museum, collect more seashells, and ate way too much!! (that is one of the perks of being at the beach)
My Life Now
So why am I doing this blog thing? I want to tell others about Christ, what He did for us, and to encourage them. I am His servant and choose to follow His leading. Faith is the answer to our problems. God chooses when, how and if we are going to continue on the road of life. He has given me a wonderful family. Showed me that HE is faithful. Held me while I cried. Listened to my screams of anger. Never doubt his love for you, and if you ask, KNOW he will answer! He is the God of miracles.