Pregnant Teen. Insight from Godly Parents.

Pregnant? Not my child.

Raising a pregnant teenager was not in my plan. If you are like me, you thought you would never hear “mom I’m pregnant” from your high school daughter. After all, you had educated your daughter on sexuality. Taught your children Godly values and worked with teen pregnancies in different agencies. Now your world just flipped upside down.
I am here to tell you our God is faithful. He will get you through this. Oh, there will be hurt, maybe anger, tough choices and some mistakes. But you will have a closer relationship with your daughter if you follow God’s will.

Something wasn’t right

I love to sew. It is always fun for me to take fabric and make it into something good. That may be a quilt or clothes for my children. On the other hand, my daughter hated the thought of even going to the fabric store. She was an athlete. She had played softball since the age of nine. There were state championships, awards, and lots of recognition for her ability to pitch.
When Gwen asked if she could ride with me to the fabric store that June day, I knew something wasn’t quite right. In the short ten min. it takes to get to town, our conversation had turned from every day gab to abortion. Knowing that I had had an abortion she fully knew that I was/am against them. The topic continued to be pregnant.

The Shock

We arrived at the store and I put the car in park. As I looked over at her I asked if one of her friends was pregnant. “No, I am. But if you want to go get your fabric, I will wait here until you get back.” GET FABRIC?? My mind was on overload. What did I just hear? I could see the shame and fear in those tear-filled hazel eyes. “No, I think we will just go back home”. We talked for a few more minutes about how we were going to tell her dad and brother.

Love

Bill and I have always told our kids that no matter what happens or what they did, we will see you through it. There is nothing that can change our love for you.
She and I decided I would go in first and break the news to dad. She came into the room and saw the tears of her father who was not angry but could feel the pain of what she had been going through alone.

New Relationship
That day put into motion a new relationship with our two kids. Gwen was no longer our teenager but a mother to be and Dana our son saw how we would respond in a bad situation. The focus had to shift from how we felt to how best to help Gwen. It was not about our feelings or what people would think of us, but how our daughter was going to have to make decisions that would be life-changing.
Forgiveness.
We have taught our children the importance of forgiveness. You would think that it would just come naturally. But it did not. That’s where spending time in God’s word became such a blessing. “Be kind one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Eph.4:32. 1st John 1:8-9 “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” We needed to forgive and not let the fear of embarrassment, anger interfere with God’s will for Gwen’s life. This was not about us but about our daughter. During those first few days, we were in emotional overdrive.

Walk Your Talk

Bill an I had many long talks with Gwen. We wanted the best for her and for the new life she was caring. We reinforced the importance of seeking God’s will and started to put together a list of pros and cons on what her life was going to look like based on her decisions. The number 1 decision was if she was going to keep her baby or adopt it out. Not an easy decision, but she would need guidance. After all, this had to be HER decision. We assured her we would be by her side no matter the path she chose. She decided on adoption.


Tuff Decisions

How does one decide the who, where and all the other questions about adoption? Oh My Gosh! the options were incredible.Do you want a rich family? What color/race? Living near or far away? What religion? Open or closed? Gwen’s head was spinning. She was a real trooper. No rash decisions. She didn’t want to throw a dart at the cases to see who would be the winner. The couple she had in mind must be a Christian and be “parents like her parents”( her words not ours).We felt led to go and visit with our pastor. It just so “happened” that he knew of a few couples who were looking.

The Choice

Gwen took the information and chose the one she felt most met her criteria. She had chosen a young couple who were in their thirties, could not have children, and were average income. What she like best was that the husband was a teacher at a local Christian school and the wife planned to be a stay at home mom. They also were registered with an adoption agency that would give her free counseling along with helping complete all of the forms. Again, a real blessing from the Lord.

Meeting the Parents

Gwen asked Bill and I if we would meet them first. The meeting took place at the couples home. Was it awkward? Yes. Not many people (whom you do not know) show up at your door offering to have you adopt their grandchild.  At no time did we ever get the impression that it was not from our Lord. This couple doused all of the fears. Now Gwen could get on with her journey to have a healthy baby.

Friends and Church Family
Now you would think that our family, friends and church family would all be supportive of Gwen’s decision. Not so!! She had darts flying at her from every direction. The phone rang with offers for her to change the couple (for money), family members asked why they could not adopt the baby, church family who were upset that WE had not made the decisions for her. We intervened as best we could.

Bad Advice

My favorite was that we had not spent enough time in prayer. This could not be the right answer! Go Figure! Sometimes people speak without thinking. God taught us to keep our mouth shut and to ask His forgiveness. We knew they had good intentions but our decision had come from the One we trusted the most. Plus Gwen had total peace. When our wonderful baby boy decided to come three weeks early, our church family came. They stayed with us through the whole process praying and lifted our spirits while giving us great encouragement.

 

Letting Go

Blessings from the Lord included a healthy baby and great new parents. He gave us a wonderful doctor who went above and beyond to make sure that our child was recovering both physically and mentally. He knew that she was going to need a few days just to heal. When the new parents came and took him home, our doctor knew Gwen would feel the loss. Everyone had seen her strength with the new baby. They praised her for her decision but no one knows that feeling of losing a child better than the child’s mother. Gwen needed the time to just let go. Yes, there would still be times of sadness in the days ahead, but thank God for giving us the right doctor. Through the doctor’s care and compassion, we grew even closer as a family, praising God for those He had put into our life.
Twenty Years Later
It has been well over twenty years. We were blessed to see him grow into a wonderful godly man. God knew the plan he had for our life and was faithful to meet our needs.
Teen pregnancy has not changed. Because it is hard for all involved. If you know or have a young person who is going through this situation, please remember to put them totally in God’s hands. It is not about you nor your decisions but about loving them the way Christ would love and treat them.

What  We Learned

As a result, we learned to trust when all seems so dark. Help the person look at her options. Pray with her. Encourage her. Do not just leave her to find her own answers. Satan is quick to tell her the worlds option but she needs to know our God is faithful and will meet all of her needs. If you or someone you know is going through a teen pregnancy, please feel free to contact me. I would love to visit and help with working together for the best solution.

Hugs
Marge@quilterslair.org

 

If you or someone you know is in need of counseling Contact Family Life Today 1-800-FL-TODAY (1-800-358-6329): Monday-Friday 8am-6pm (CST).
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Comments

  1. Marita

    Hi Marge,

    Your story is so heartbreaking and full of emotions.

    I had quite a similar experience with one of my close cousins who got pregnant, though she was older already, no longer a teen. She could not marry the father of the baby and had no plans because he was a younger cousin of ours. Our moms are sisters! This was another complication to the story.

    My cousin kept the baby and raised her on her own with some help here and there from the dad and the grandparents. Being raised from a religious background, it was not hard for us to accept the situation though we had lots of questions along the way.

    The daughter is now in her early 20’s , and grew up loved and appreciated. She is smart and always excelled in school. She is taking up Dentistry and would soon make her parents ( they are both happily married with families of their own ) proud when she becomes a full-pledged dentist.

    When we entrust our lives to God , nothing will come out bad or so hard that we cannot handle.

    God bless,
    Marita

  2. Brenda Fawcett

    Love hearing your story even though I had heard parts of it. It’s good to know the outcome 20 years later is good! God has a plan even with our “mistakes” Love to you and Gwen!

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